The end of summer always depresses me. The way the seasons seem to go by a little bit faster every year makes me think about how I am getting older. I wonder if I have done enough with my life, I wonder what surprises the future will bring, but most importantly I wonder ... why the hell I never have anything to wear!?
When Fall comes around the only thing, I find, which can cheer me up (besides a gigantic Labor Day binge) is shopping. In fact, why separate the two? A drunk shopping binge is perfectly lovely as a little pick-me-up, especially when the leaves are all golden, redish brown. But in tough financial times like these, debauched, reckless spending just doesn't seem tasteful. If only I had a plausible excuse to spend the minuscule amount of money I have left after being fired last winter. But what could that possibly be?
I have the answer -
Fashion Night Out, the "biggest shopping event in New York City History," is taking place on September 10th courtesy of Vogue Magazine, Mayor Bloomberg and the CFDA (that's the Council of Fashion Designers of America not the Colorado Funeral Directors Association). Stores will be open across all five boroughs until eleven o'clock at night, complete with block parties, musical performances and celebrity sightings.
What's that you say? That a city wide party is not enough reason for me to max out my credit card (again)?
Well, firstly, I have to go, as according to the promotional video, P Diddy has personally invited me.
Moreover, the fashion industry in NYC employs a "huge" number of people - 175,000 to be exact (out of 8.36M or 2.09%) and they are counting on me to support them for their 10 billion dollars in total annual wages. Now that might sound like an exorbitant number but Isaac Mizrahi and P Diddy assure me that these numbers are "definitely true". Also, the Fashion Night Out t-shirts support the 9/11 Museum downtown and there is a week long clothing drive in conjunction with the event to support the NYC AIDS Fund.
Let me decode all this for you.
Those Zara jeans I was going to buy anyway (and I totally was, too) - well now, when I buy them, I can feel patriotic, philanthropic and charitable all while being drunk in public in a socially acceptable way. Forget supporting the fashion industry - Don't you want to support the American dream of shopping tipsy on money you don't have with Sarah Jessica Parker while pretending to be a humanitarian?
If Parker isn't "your bag", do not fret, you can pick from a wide variety of celebrities who will be strolling around the event all night long!
There is Zach Posen, Vera Wang, Oscar de la Renta, Anna Wintour (who looks more and more like Diane von Furstenberg every day), Diane von Furstenberg (who looks like Anna Wintour after she got laid), Isaac Mizrahi (who will go basically anywhere, anyway, even Target), Elie Tahari sans Lance Armstrong (wow, that's a throw back, right?) and the crack-head Olsen twin (I think).
Even if you hate America, Fashion Night Out is global, taking place in the UK, Greece, Italy, Russia, France, Brazil, India, Spain, China, Germany, Japan and Taiwan. That means if you don't go you will be lame in at least twelve countries.
And if ALL of this still isn't reason enough to drop a few bucks, try this on for size - I have heard rumors about corner eyebrow waxing stations. So dig deep, really deep, your roomate's pockets deep, and get out there and do what you know is right for NYC, for the nation, for the world and for all mankind.
Just, please, don't make it leggings. I am so over leggings.
